The Big Secret - Revealed!

Well, I finally did it! I had the talk with Sarah. I've been talking about having the talk with her for months. I've been asking other parents for advice and reading a lot. I found a great book called, "How to Talk To Your Child About Sex" by the Eyres - they're the ones that wrote all the "Teaching Your Child Joy", "Teaching Your Child Values", etc. Some of the stuff in the book wasn't exactly my style - like explaining part of sex as a 'special kind of hug' - that seemed a bit cheesy to me. But it was a great basis and reminded me of all kinds of things that should be discussed throughout teen years that I hadn't thought of. Basically, they said it's not just one talk, it's continually talking and keeping the lines of communication open to questions and further insights as the child is ready for it.

Anyway, I had been telling Sarah all week that we were going to go on a special date to talk about something really cool. (I also like that the book emphasized keeping sex a very positive and wonderful thing - even though a young child won't get that at first - it sets the tone so they don't grow up feeling like sex is icky and gross.) I noticed that by talking this way and keeping it totally upbeat and positive, Sarah didn't feel embarrassed to ask questions.

Anyway, she couldn't stand the anticipation and kept asking, "What's the cool thing we're going to talk about???" Finally after daddy got back from the priesthood session last night, Sarah and I were off on our date. I brought a few things along and we headed first to Moonstruck Chocolates for a divine chocolate shake! We took our shakes and I surprised Sarah by driving up to the Portland temple. It looked so beautiful all lit up at night. In the car, I showed her my wedding scrapbook and talked about how Billy* and I got engaged and how much fun we had together. We talked about our wedding and when she was born and how neat it was to be a mom. When I asked her if she was excited to be a mom someday she said, "Not really because it's a lot of work." I felt so bad! Obviously I'm not making it seem very fun the way I do it. (o: I need to show the fun and good sides more often to her!

Then I reminded Sarah of the day she was recently trying to figure out how a dad's genes got into the mommy's tummy and we got down to the nitty gritty. She was fascinated with the pictures and anatomical diagrams I brought. She asked lots of questions and seemed interested. Then in about one or two sentences I told her how everything fits together. She was FLOORED! The look on her face was priceless! Her jaw literally hung open and her eyes almost popped out of her head. I burst out laughing and so did she. I told her she almost figured it out by herself earlier and she replied, "Yeah, but I NEVER would have guessed THAT'S how the dad's genes got in there!" We had a good laugh and I agreed that it sounds totally weird and I thought that too when I was little, but I assured her it was really a good thing and not yucky. We talked about the things that make it into something dirty and yucky - like pornography and the media making it seem like no big deal to do it whenever and with whomever you like. We discussed Love Vs. Lust like Elder Holland spoke about in his talk. One key thing I told her is that sex is a good and beautiful thing when it strengthens families (strengthens moms and dads relationship, brings children to the family) And it is a dirty and bad thing when it pulls families apart (pornography, lack of discipline, loss of self-respect, selfishness, STDs that affect health of future spouses, affairs, etc.) Just like fire. The power of fire is awesome. It can heat homes, help us to cook, make cars run, etc. But it can cause total destruction if not cared for and treated with respect.

Anyhow, we talked and talked for quite a while and I gave her a present - two cute American Girl books a friend recommended. "The Care and Keeping of You" and a little journal that goes along with it. We looked through the book that goes over all the aspects of puberty - it is a really cute, tasteful and thoughtful book. (I love that it emphasizes going to your parents with questions and not shutting them out if you are feeling moody or embarrassed.) Anyway, she was excited and we plan to look through the book together for future conversations.

It might seem weird, but last night was a real bonding experience for us. When I put Sarah to bed she said, "Mom I feel a lot different about things now." I was worried - was she totally grossed out? Did she feel her innocence slipping away? When I asked why she replied, "I feel more excited to be a mom someday." Awww. (o: What a sweetie. Good moment.