33 - Reinventing Me

Above are two pictures of things that I never would have defined myself with even just a couple years ago. I turned 33 this summer and life is great. As I get older, I have more courage to try things I didn't think I could do when I was younger. I had a limited definition of myself and just assumed that certain abilities just weren't my God-given talents. Now that I am older and wiser, I figure, who cares if I'm not a natural at something - I can still try. Five, ten, twenty years more are going to pass by no matter what I do. If I fill the time trying out new things and working on goals - maybe I'll discover and develop completely new abilities I wouldn't have if I just do the same old thing.

One of those abilities I am specifically speaking of is playing the piano. I never really had piano lessons growing up and for my teenage and early twenties I figured that meant I'd never be a pianist. I did take lessons for a short while in my twenties, but it was a time of transition and didn't last. Then came babies and motherhood - I had no time to think about developing a new talent from scratch. Then a year and a half ago, I decided I was tired of wishing I could play and envying the ladies who could sit down and play a song at church. I was in young women's then and there was not a single person - leader or girl - who could play the accompanyment for the hymns. I decided that even though it wouldn't solve that immediate problem - sometime down the road if that ever happened again, I wanted to be able to say, "I can play".

Now a year and a half later, I actually own a piano - something that was beyond what I ever imagined. Why spend thousands of dollars on something you can't really use? I had no idea how much I would LOVE playing the piano and how much I would LOVE hearing the sound in my home. It has been the best purchase - besides our house and maybe the van - that we have ever made. It has brought so much joy into my life. When I sit down to play - even though I am still quite a novice - I can't believe that it's me making the music and playing the notes. I am learning a song now that I heard over 12 years ago at a sorority talent show. I still remember the room we were sitting in, my friend Angie who played it and how I felt when I heard it. I was so envious that Angie could play something so beautiful. I don't know if I'm learning the same version she played (it's probably much easier (o: David Lanz "Return to the Heart" if your curious) but when I play it, I can't believe how far I've come. I can't wait to keep getting better and list "pianist" as one of the things that defines me.

"Runner" is another word I never identified with and never really cared to. My experiences running growing up were miserable - I hated running in gym, I never passed off running the mile in jr. high and any time I put forth an honest effort, my side would be in stitches. A few weeks ago, for father's day, Jayson decided he really, really wanted a treadmill. I thought that was great - something to help keep him healthy sounded good to me. Then a few days later, I decided to give it a shot, just for fun. I put on my shoes, but didn't even bother to get out of my pajamas - I was just trying it out. The first little bit was miserable, but for some reason I just kept going. After a little while, it wasn't so bad. I focused on breathing in a rhythm and soon I realized I had almost run a mile - hey!, something I hadn't ever really done before - so I kept going. When I finally had to stop to get Sarah to piano lessons, I had run 2 miles and felt like I could have kept going! This was a huge accomplishment for me! I could not believe it. The next day I wanted to see if I could go farther. 3 miles! The next day I ran 10! (Okay just kidding on that last one. (o: ) I literally cheered out loud after 3 miles - I had no idea I had that in me. I guess my workouts with Gilad (my personal trainer via FitTV) and my visits to the gym were doing some good.

I still don't love running - and don't know if I've completely felt the "runner's high" that everyone talks about unless you count my elation upon discovering that I could run 3 miles - something I never thought I could do or really had much desire to try. But after about three weeks of running 3 times a week, I'm starting to think about trying a 5K. I even have a friend who just did a local triathalon who is encouraging me to join her next year. A few weeks ago I would have laughed out loud. Now, I find myself asking her all kinds of questions about it and imagining what it would be like. Maybe I could actually do it... Above you see my new "running shoes" - who knew I'd ever consider myself a runner? I can't wait to see what other barriers I break in the coming years - what other things will I add to my definition of me? Opera singer? Auto mechanic, sky diver? (o: